Wow! I have just returned from a 4 day Bliss Retreat on the island of Maui with Spiritual Teacher Bentinho Massaro, and as a result a formative lack of trust in life and myself, and a background sense of feeling unsafe and fearful my whole life has simply dropped away. Yup, truly.
And it posed an interesting question today, as I was quietly recovering from jet lag and not feeling up to much – how do I motivate myself to action without fear? Without realising it, fear has been what got me up in the morning, what made me get the accounts done, pay the bills, tidy the house and keep almost incessantly busy at times. Fear, always lurking in the background and sometimes in the foreground as anxiety or frustration or impatience or anger, fear has been my fuel. It feels almost (almost) disconcerting without it!
How do I motivate myself now without fear? This is uncharted ground! Fear of something bad happening or negative consequences or not getting your needs met. Fear of not being approved of or loved or needed. Fear of not having enough money or putting on weight or getting sick or being lazy. Fear of what other people think, fear of losing your job….
Fear can be basically broken down into two things: fear of not getting what we want and fear of losing what we have. So if we are no longer afraid of losing anything and we are no longer afraid of not getting what we want, what then?
Wow! It’s like a whole new world full of choices I never knew I had! Choices that were never available to me when fear is what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I feel like I’ve just stepped into a whole new world. It is like tuning into, for the first time, what I truly desire instead of desires being automatically filtered through fear and coming out as ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought to’s’.
I can see how we get caught in the loop – we are fearful of letting go of fear out of the fear that we will be lacking in some way without it. When fear itself is the belief that lack can even exist.
I always thought of fearlessness as being something big and bold and loud and proclaiming. And yet this feels quiet and peaceful and unassuming, just silently in the background, a certainty or trust that is now running the show. And it wants to know what I think and what I want and how it can serve me today. Me. It means getting in touch with impulses, instincts, urges and desires long since buried that I never knew I had. A guidance system that was always intended to guide me and create the most joyful, blissful and satisfying life imaginable before fear took the reins and never gave them back.
So what do I want to do today? What would you do, if fear was no longer motivating you? 🙂